I want to thank those who have commented on my posts. It really helps to know there is someone out there that feels or have felt the same way I am going through. I think my week ended very good. My husband saw my blog and said I never knew you felt that way. I wanted to scream and say that is what I have been tell you, but I didn't. I simply let him express his thoughts on how he felt. He told be that he was disappointed too. I was so happy. ( I know I shouldn't have been so excited) I was excited that I wasn't alone. He had the same feeling and disappointments that I had. I think maybe he was scared to express those thoughts with me, due to my crying and cursing the world. We decided to just explore and live in Fort Collins for a while , then explore our options in six months. This six months have given me a list of things to do. I am of course checking my temperatures everyday in hopes to see if I am or will start ovulating. I want to at least bring that back to my doctor. I have also started to walk the wonderful trails that are around our apartment. I feel that walking by myself and listening to music has really helped me calm down. I have to be honest, I am still holding out for that fairy tale. In the back of my mind, I wish that I will have a success story and will have this wonderful family. I feel blessed that I do have people around who are trying to help me. So for now I will vent, complain, or share my upcoming events. I have made a list of things that I plan to do to help me out of this funk that I am in.
LIST OF THINGS TO DO IN OUR NEW LIFE IN FORT COLLINS, CO
- Find friends- I think I am a anti-social. I am afraid to let people in my life. I am going to make an effort to find some ladies to share my time with or at least a trip to the mall
- Find a job- I hate staying at home by myself. I can't wait to see what new employment that I will find. (I have been lucky to have jobs that I love and also teach me more than even I thought possible)
- Read more- My husband and I have started to read a book together We are reading Peace from broken Pieces. (I think it will help)
- EXERCISE- I want to keep my daily walking and maybe do some Zumba or Kickboxing classes. I think that it will even help regulate me. (I can only hope and pray!)
- FIND FRIENDS- Lol, I am really lonely and need female friends. I need someone who likes to watch the girlie movies, shop, or even indulge in the sugary sweets.
I think just getting things out of my head have been helping me a lot. I don't feel like I am monopolizing any of my friends or family back home. I have a wonderful support system, but their support usually is just to make me happy or get me to stop complaining. I need to express my feelings without being cutoff or told that I am being dramatic.
Hey my darling friend:
ReplyDeleteI am so on my way, I'd love to watch girlie movies and shop especially if we get to indulge in the sugary sweets :)
Just wanted to you know that i am praying for you. Continue to strengthen your faith and remember fear and faith cannot co-exist. So, when fear creeps in, kick it out and replace it with the desires of your heart, knowing that God is fully aware of your needs and desires. Know that if necessary He will guide you as to what you need to do to have those little ones that are meant for you and your hubby alone. Remember your dream about Carter Anthony? (Did i get the name right :)? You had that dream for a reason! so go out and tackle those goals and remember you have a friend back here in Utah who loves you and is adding her faith to yours. All will be well! Love and miss you...Karin